…of your sobriety (or anything else that challenges you).
I have the most supportive husband that I know. If I told him that I was feeling passionate about getting African neck rings and stretching my neck a bit, he’d say, “Great. Let’s see if Amazon Prime has African neck rings.” However, when I quit drinking, I didn’t feel that kind of enthusiasm from him.
Most of it was my fault. I’m not a good communicator and I really don’t like talking about the “tough stuff” or my feelings. So, I probably didn’t communicate how much I needed his support. Scratch that. I’m positive that I didn’t communicate how much I needed his support. So, his shrugging off my new “non-drinker status,” while he continued to enjoy beer on the weekends and cocktails over dinner smarted a bit.
You see, what I should’ve done from the get-go is sit him down and share with him what I was doing, why I was doing and it and step-by-step what I needed from him. That’s where I dropped the ball. I went about my life, quietly, internally seething that he wasn’t encouraging me. This was dumb because, unless you open up and tell someone what’s going on and what you need from them, you can’t expect them to figure it out on their own.
So, here’s what I want to impress upon you today…
The number one way to get support from your partner: Ask for it. If you’re embarking on a life change, you should sit down those who you’re closest to and share with them what’s going on in your “head meat.” Don’t be like me. You can’t expect support unless you share and ask for what you need. You also aren’t allowed to be angry at them if you’re not willing to share what you need from your partner. It wasn’t fair to my husband that I silently seethed, feeling like I wasn’t being supported.
Now, if you ask for support and your partner doesn’t comply, that’s a different story. More talking is definitely in order and, possibly more drastic measures, if you’re not fully supported.
We’re often hesitant to share our struggles because we don’t like feeling vulnerable. But how about you let down your guard and let someone in? Tell us about your support system…